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Happy Gal-entines Day! Why Having Best Friends is All a Girl Really Needs
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One of the best pop cultural contributions ever made by the NBC sitcom, Parks and Recreation, has been the introduction of Galentines Day, a holiday dedicated to celebrating the love between besties. On February 13th, the eve of every Valentine’s Day, the show’s protagonist, Leslie Knope (played by one of my favorite comedic actresses, Amy Poehler), hosts an all ladies brunch, to celebrate the one of a kind bonds of sisterhood, specifically occurring between close girlfriends.
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Being the highly enthusiastic, overachiever she is, it is customary at these Galentine’s Day gatherings for Leslie to provide each of her guests with personalized, over the top, homemade gifts, as she credits each of her gal pals for being the inspirational lights in her life.
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My friend’s and I had a similar Valentines Day tradition in college- our annual Anti- Valentines Day, No Boys Allowed Bash. Like Leslie’s Knope’s party, my closest girlfriends and I would gather together for an evening of female bonding, but unlike Leslie’s Galentine’s Day, we would all wear bright red lipstick, drink a bunch of cheap red wine, and proceed to mock and bash all of our exes. I know it sounds mean and cynical (perhaps even cliché), but we were admittedly bitter about our various disappointments and heartbreaks, which comes with the territory of youth.
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We thought publically shaming our exes, making light of our past pain with laughter, would validate how awful our exes really were, putting these past crap experiences into perspective, by showing us how much we have since grown. We believed this game would be a cathartic exercise, allowing us to let go of the past and leave us feeling like empowered, newly renewed, independent women.
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That is, until our friends that were actually involved in relationships at the time, would have to abandon us to go on actual dates with their current significant others. With purple stained mouths and a serious buzz, the remaining single ladies (myself ALWAYS included) would continue to drink and complain, our initial feelings of empowerment quickly eroding away to reveal repressed feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing, with every sip.
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I always questioned why these evenings, always planned with the best of intentions, managed to end up a tragic, sloppy, s*** show. How was it that throughout the course of the night, these earthquakes of laughter would devolve into guttural sobs, and a fraction of us would be left holding each other, as we went through potential names for our future feral cat and pigeon companions? I knew there was something else responsible for our reactions.
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I refused to believe that those of us who were still single, simply desired to be involved in a committed relationship- there was more to it than that. None of us fit the superficial, needy, competitive, jealous mean girls stereotype, and genuinely felt a sense of pride and joy when another one of us achieved a new level of personal happiness. I can say with great confidence, my college posse consisted of some of the most incredible women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Though each was unique in their own way, the high quality of character existing within each of them was undeniable, and this was unanimously acknowledged amongst our professors and peers. Even the most banal of exchanges with this group of women, helped to enrich my college experience, ultimately fostering my development into the proud woman I am today. Kate taught me how to make and memorize Art History flashcards efficiently, while simultaneously watching funny Youtube videos, thus transforming the grueling studying process into a bearable, and even fun, experience. Dayna was the almanac for practical advice, but was always up for impractical, yet exciting new adventures. Andrea always helped me clean and decorate my dorm room on move in day, even when my mountains of dirty laundry made her want to crawl out of her skin. Nicky always helped me with my makeup before any girl’s night out. Then, without judgment, she would proceed to walk me to the local snack stand for a late night, pre bedtime mozzarella sticks fix, after hitting that point in the night where fried food seemed a greater priority than scoring a free drinks from some guy. Jacqueline always knew how to resurrect my laptop, every time it would happen to die during the eleventh hour of completing a final. Jen would always stay up with me when I had to write a paper. She would talk me through my proposed thesis to help focus and clarify my thoughts, make coffee, help edit my writing, all the while juggling her own workload. She always challenged me to be a better writer, and genuinely wanted to see us both succeed in our classes. Mari and Sam were actually the first people to suggest I stop fighting my natural hair with damaging straightening processes and encouraged me to embrace my natural texture, because they thought it was beautiful. Each of them allowed me to lean on them during paralyzing moments of anxiety and self-doubt. Likewise, I was always prepared to go to bat for any of them, if ever they were in need. Consistently patient and kind, their inherent compassion and emotional generosity gave me the freedom to become more secure with myself, as a person. We were each other’s sanctuaries, in the treacherous storm of pre-adulthood. When life would divvy out an unfair hand, we knew we could count on each other for unconditional support. We inspired confidence within each other, motivating each of us to always strive to be the best version of ourselves.
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It was through circumstance and chance that we were fortunate enough to find one another, and it was through mutual admiration and respect that we were able to cultivate this incredible bond. If that isn’t the definition of love, I don’t know what is.
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Which brings me back to my own question regarding the sad outcomes of our annual Anti-Valentine’s Day gatherings. Though the intent behind the ex bashing component of our party was always innocent fun, those of us without the distraction of a Valentine’s date later in the evening, were left to chew on this residual negative energy that a seemingly innocent game happened to resurrect. Even in a humorous context, these awful memories of past humiliation and betrayal left a bad taste in everyone’s mouths. Since our initial draw to each other as people and as friends had been based on these subconscious positive affirmations of character we each provided for one another, getting emotional over ancient history was just not a usual part of friendship equation.
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And this was where our Anti- Valentine’s Day get togethers failed, and Leslie Knope’s Galentine’s Day Celebration prevailed; instead of wasting our breath recounting the hurtful behaviors of our unworthy exes, our time would’ve been better spent outwardly expressing our sincere appreciation for each other. I wish I had thanked each of my girlfriends for selflessly extending their support and exhibiting genuine compassion, while simultaneously grappling with their own journeys, on the verge of adulthood. College is a critical phase for intellectual and emotional maturity, and I don’t know if I could have survived it without them.
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I may not be as creative as Leslie Knope is with a hot glue gun and doubt I can be as clever as she is with her series of personalized DIY Val/Galentines day gifts, however I’m not going to allow that to stop me from letting my best female friends know how much I truly do appreciate them. Though we don’t have the flexibility to get together as regularly as we did when we were in school, next time I do see them, I will be sure to say, “Thank you for always loving me for who I am, and being my best friend.”
Carole King, Celine Dion, Shania Twain, and Gloria Estefan sing, You Got a Friend (2009)
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Friends are the family people are fortunate enough to be able to choose…. So don’t forget to wish a Happy Galentine’s Day, to the ones who picked you!
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